currency

Indian Police

Innocent Husbands

Husbands are really innocent! (Visual Joke) . . . Where is the money? . . . Show me your Pockets . . . I'll not give her the money, She spends all of my salary Booohoooo! . . . Give me way... I am going for shopping. . . . Thanks Sweetheart...........bye :)

Advantages of Being A woman

Advantages Of Being A Woman

Why it's better to be a Woman! 1. We got off the Titanic first. 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. 4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. 5. We can cry and get off speeding fines. 6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game. 7. Taxis stop for us. 8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. 9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. 10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point). 11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. 12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. 13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. 14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. 15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. 16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. 17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt. 18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it. 19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. 20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute. 21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. 22. We have the ability to dress ourselves. 23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. 24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot. 25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth. 26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. 27. We'll never regret piercing our ears. 28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. 29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark. 30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.

Relationship Joke

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

404 Not Found

Desi Kun fu

Cood Dudes

Engineer hangs self in jail toilet

GURGAON: A 22-year-old hardware engineer serving a term in Bhondsi jail was found hanging in the prison toilet on Friday morning. Parveen Sharma, a native of Devaria in Uttar Pradesh, had left an eight-page suicide note in which he had written his "only crime was that he was in love with a girl".Parveen had hanged himself from a hook using a blanket as the noose.

He was serving a term at Bhondsi jail for the past five months in barrack No. 7 on the charge of rape. Fellow inmates reported to jail authorities that they saw the body hanging in the prison toilet around 4.30am.A senior police officer said that he had written in his suicide note that he was in jail because he had fallen in love with a girl, who was in Class 12. He blamed the girl's family for his extreme step. In November 2011, when the girl's father denied permission for their marriage, Parveen had eloped with the girl. The girl's father lodged an FIR against Parveen alleging abduction of his daughter.

After a month, the couple were caught by the police in Ahmedabad in Gujarat. On December 15 the police arrested Parveen and a city court sent him to judicial custody."My son loved a girl in the neighborhood and they wanted to get married but the girl's family members lodged an FIR against my son charging him with rape after putting pressure on the girl. These are the circumstances under which he has ended his life and the family members of the girl are responsible for the death of my son," said Ramakant, father of the deceased man.

"A postmortem, conducted by doctors in the presence of the area magistrate, was videotaped. The body of the victim handed over to his kin and the viscera will be sent to Forensic Science Laboratory, Madhuban. A magistrate inquiry is being made into the case," said an investigator.

Sachin Tendulkar might be pressurised to accept RS nomination: Ramdev

Ramdev today sought to find fault with the Rajya Sabha nomination to Sachin Tendulkar alleging that the "sinking" Congress might have pressurised him to accepting the honour to enhance its prestige.

NEW DELHI: Yoga guru Ramdev today sought to find fault with the Rajya Sabha nomination to Sachin Tendulkar alleging that the "sinking" Congress might have pressurised him to accepting the honour to enhance its prestige.

Tendulkar's nomination has provided people with an opportunity to ask the cricketer whether he will remain silent or will he speak up on issues like corruption and bringing back blackmoney stashed in tax havens, Ramdev told reporters.

"He has every right to take whatever decision he wants to take. He has hit many centuries, he has hit many sixes. But now it gives us an opportunity to knock his doors asking him whether he will remain silent or will he speak up," he said.

He said Congress has decided to nominate Tendulkar to the Upper House of Parliament to "salvage the sinking ship".

"These nominations (that of Tendulkar and actress Rekha) are to divert attention from the real issues. Nobody will oppose honouring Sachin. People of the country have no objection about honouring him with Bharat Ratna.

"But Congress is thinking how to tag Sachin with them. So there is a politics in not giving Bharat Ratna to him. There is also politics in giving him Rajya Sabha nomination," Ramdev said.

Asked whether he thought Tendulkar was pressurised by the Board of Cricket Control in India (BCCI) and Congress into accepting the nomination, Ramdev said he had heard this from many quarters.

"It does not appear it (pressurising Sachin to accept nomination) is baseless. Sachin is a responsible citizen. He knows what is happening. He is not a child...It is for him to decide what to do after he retires from cricket.

"We have no problem with that. But we expect that he applies his mind whether his cricket career is important or political career is important," Ramdev said.

Funny Accident

People Falling

You Can’t Fix Stupid

(I am calling back a customer who had a 6-year-old TV with a cracked screen. Unfortunately, due to its age, we can no longer get parts for it.)
Me: “Hello, we’d like to let you know that unfortunately we are unable to repair your product. The parts are discontinued.”
Customer: “So, you can’t fix it?”
Me: “Correct.”
Customer: “So you can fix it?”
Me: “No, the parts are unavailable.”
Customer: “Can you order them?”
Me: “No, the parts are discontinued.”
Customer: “You can order them somewhere else, yes?”
Me: “No, we cannot fix this unit at all.”
Customer: “Does [brand name] carry the part?”
Me: “No, they don’t.”
Customer: “Okay, so you can get it fixed, right? Test it again?”
Me: “No, we cannot fix it.”
Customer: “So it can’t be fixed?”
Me: “It cannot be fixed, ever, unfortunately.”
Customer: “Okay, I’ll call you back when it’s done!” *click*

We Prefer Hipsters Over Hellcats

(A customer comes over to the small cosmetic service station that I am posted at. All the while, she’s talking on her phone and sounds quite upset.)
Me: “Hello, ma’am. What can I do for you today?”
Customer: *to phone* “Sorry, got go.” *hangs up*
Me: “Ma’am—”
Customer: “SHUT UP YOU, D*** HIPSTER!”
(Note: I’m wearing prescription Ray Bans and have a eyebrow piercing.)
Me: “Uhm—”
Customer: “You heard me the first time! Not another word! You probably don’t even need those glasses!”
(Without warning, the customer rips the glasses from my face. She throws them on the ground, shattering the lenses.)
Me: “Oh my God!”
Customer: “Look! You are fine!”
(My coworker comes over to see what all the commotion is about.)
Coworker: “What is going on?”
Customer: “This b**** was trying to look like a hipster!”
Coworker: “Ma’am, she actually needed those to see. Now get out before I call security!”
Customer: “F*** you! F***ing hipsters taking over!”

President Pratibha Patil gives up proposed Pune accommodation

Click to play video

New Delhi: President Pratibha Patil has decided to give up the proposed accommodation in Pune. A bungalow was being built on defence land in violation of norms and was meant for Patil's post-retirement stay.

Presidential Spokesperson Archana Dutta said, "The President was very much pained at fabricated observation in the media that this land was being transferred to her. She has decided to forego her post retirement home in Pune. The President has not decided where she will go for her post retirement home."
"She chose not to react as she held herself answerable to the Constitution of the country and her conscience," Dutta added.
She also said that the land will remain with the government.
Pratibha Patil was caught in a controversy over defence land allotted to her in Pune. An RTI application filed by former defence officers had shown that her proposed post-retirement bungalow was being built on defence land far in excess of what is sanctioned under the rules.
Activists argued that the controversial piece of land in Khadki, Pune where the President's post-retirement bungalow is being built, could have gone to jawans, who now live in slum like conditions.
The President's office had, however, denied that any rules were flouted.
Even as the massive 2,61,000 sq ft plot of defence land in Pune had been allotted to President Pratibha Patil, an RTI query had also revealed that the President is eligible for a government bungalow comparable to a residence allotted to a Union Minister. And, if it is not available, the government can rent accommodation that has an area of not more than 2,000 sq ft.
Former defence personnel also alleged that patil was constructing on the land, which was not permissible by the rules.
"From RTI we have found that this allotment is completely wrong," said Suresh Patil, retired army officer and founder of Justice for Jawans.
However, President Patil's son Rajendra Shekhawat had said that there was no case of land grabbing. "Whatever she is given is as per what is entitled for the President, nothing is going to be behind that. I don't think she's encroaching on anyone else. she being the supreme commander of the defense forces certainly knows her duties and she's not going to encroach on anyone's land

University of Allahabad will be closed Monday

छात्रावास में रहने वाले छात्रों के निष्कासन के मुद्दे पर आंदोलन के दौरान छात्रों और पुलिस के बीच हुए संघर्ष के बाद इलाहाबाद विश्वविद्यालय को सोमवार तक बंद कर दिया गया है. इस संघर्ष में कई लोग घायल हो गये थे और परिसर में तोड़फोड़ की गयी थी.
विश्वविद्यालय के प्रमुख प्रॉक्टर माता अंबर तिवारी ने कहा कि वर्तमान स्थिति को देखते हुए, यह निर्णय लिया गया है कि विश्वविद्यालय को शुक्रवार और शनिवार को बंद रखा जाय और इसे फिर से सोमवार को खोला जाय.
आंदोलनकारी छात्रों के हिंसा पर उतारू होने के बाद वीरवार रात परिसर में पुलिस को लाठी चार्ज करना पड़ा और आंसू गैस के गोले छोड़ने पड़े. घटना में घायल लगभग 20 छात्रों को नजदीकी अस्पताल में भर्ती कराया गया है.
विश्वविद्यालय प्रशासन ने चल रहे शैक्षणिक सत्र की परीक्षा खत्म होने के बाद छात्रों को तत्काल छात्रावास खाली करने का निर्देश जारी किया था जिसके बाद पिछले कुछ दिनों से यहां पर तनाव व्याप्त था.
तिवारी ने कहा कि अनधिकृत तौर पर रह रहे छात्रों के कारण वास्तविक विद्यार्थियों के हितों को होने वाले नुकसान को रोकने के लिए विश्वविद्यालय प्रशासन हॉस्टल खाली कराने का अभियान जारी रखेगा.
उन्होंने बताया कि हॉस्टल में रहने वाले सभी छात्रों को शैक्षणिक सत्र 2011-12 के अंत में छात्रावास खाली कर देने के लिए कहा गया है.
प्रशासन से मांग की गई थी कि वह प्रतियोगी परीक्षा के लिए तैयारी कर रहे छात्रों को कुछ माह तक छात्रावास में रहने की अनुमति दें ताकि उनकी तैयारी प्रभावित नहीं हो.
तिवारी ने कहा कि वास्तविक छात्रों की पहचान की जाएगी और उन्हें राहत दी जाएगी लेकिन अवैध तरीके से छात्रावास में रहने वालों को किसी कीमत पर नहीं बख्शा जाएगा.

और भी... http://aajtak.intoday.in/story.php/content/view/696498/71/297/Allahabad-University-shut-till-Monday-in-wake-of-violence.html

Santa Banta

Banta 2 Santa: Jeene Ke Liye Oxygen Zaruri Hai. Iski Khoj 1773 Me Hui Thi . . . . . . . .hahaha.
.

Worrid Santa: "Thank God. . . .!! Mai Pehle Paida Hota Toh Mar Hi Jata". . . . . . . . . Lolz santa rokd oxygen shokd

New Jokes

girl.. I am feeling sick or i am likely to vomit

Boy . What did you take this morning

Girl . I had two or three sweets

Boy. They might be stale
You 've suffered from indigestion

Consult some experienced doctor . Never consult a quack..

Hahaha

Funny Army

Puppy is sleeping

Cute Puppy

Magic tricks

Free Shrimp

Funny fishing

Flirty Boys

Haha ha

English Language

Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. 

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form 
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends. 

A mental hospital

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office.

"Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck."

"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. Haroldson replied. "I hung him up to dry." 

Five-year-old Indian boy in Bangladesh jail to walk free

New Delhi:  There is good news for the family of five-year-old Ariful Sheikh. The Indian boy from West Bengal's Murshidabad district, who has been languishing in a jail in Bangladesh for a whole year, will now walk free and return home on April 29.

NDTV first reported Ariful's story. He was picked up along with his grandparents when they crossed the border last April to meet some relatives in Bangladesh, as the family didn't have any travel documents. When the case came up in court at Kushtia, they were asked to pay a fine of 500 Takas (or Rs. 320) or face two months in jail. They didn't have the money, so they were sent to prison. Because Ariful had nowhere to go, he was jailed too with the grandmother Mafroza Begum.

After human rights activists and the government of India condemned their wrongful detention and demanded their release, the Bangladesh government issued a release order for this family on April 15 but a communication gap between India's Border Security Force (BSF) and the Bangladesh Border Guards meant the boy stayed in Kushtia jail in Bangladesh.